Being Korean: Part I (Koreans and Self-Esteem)

We Koreans are experts at destroying self-esteem. It's true: whether the Korean realizes the effects of his/her actions/words, he/she is a devastating demoralizer on legs that leaves a trail of destroyed egos and shattered remnants of self-esteem engulfed in nuclear flames. It's the culture, really.

You see, the standard ritual during a visit/invasion from friends/family members is pointing out the person's flaws in a most caring manner.

Example A:
Sister 1 is fat. Her sister, Sister 2, is not. Neither have seen/spoken to each other for several months.
After greeting each other and sitting down for coffee/tea, Sister 2 says to Sister 1, "Looks like you gained a few, eh?"
They both laugh/chuckle politely.
Sister 2 meant the comment as a harmless observation.
Sister 1 is slowly dying inside.

As you can see, Sister 2 has no idea what she is doing to her sister, Sister 1. Although Sister 2's comments are socially acceptable, Sister 1 becomes the unrecognized victim of an undeclared/unseen psychological civil war.

The worst of it all, of course, is that such behavior is completely normal. Pointing out and picking at one's flaws is the staple of the conversational diet. This creates an additional effect of potentially alienating the victim should he/she react negatively.

Example B:
Sister 1 is 31 years old, unmarried, and would generally be considered unattractive. Sister 2 is 25 years old, married to a succesful lawyer, and has a child.
After greeting each other and sitting down for coffee/tea, Sister 2 says to Sister 1, "So, you better find a husband soon, or you'll die old and alone! Ha ha!"
Sister 1 responds negatively, saying, "Excuse me? What gives you the right to pick at me like that? I'm your elder."
To which Sister 2 replies, "I was only trying to help."
"Skank."
"Bitch"

Rawr! Regardless of the fact that it was Sister 2 who was insensitive to Sister 1's feelings, it will be the latter who will be admonished should this exchange be retold/seen by others. Also note that Sister 2 was under the impression that her comments were somehow helping Sister 1.