Thursday, April 20, 2006
Goddamn cab drivers: Part IV
You decide to take action, and reach for your hunting knife when the driver suddenly makes a U-turn and starts speeding toward a narrow street. There are people around, so you abandon your hopes of a silent revenge.
The driver stops the car abruptly, jerking you forward to be choked by the seatbelt. He reaches to your side and gives you an unwanted Heimlich as he turns the window knob. Then he yells at the passerby outside, "Hey, where is this?"
The passerby responds simply, "La Molina."
"Where in La Molina?" the driver asks again. But the man outside only puts on a grim smile and walks away. You think to yourself that this isn't happening.
The driver then repeats the same routine with everyone he sees. You try to explain to him that you know where your destination is, and that you can show him, only if he would backtrack, and that where you want to go is nowhere near where you currently are--but he does not listen. He continues asking every stranger in sight--man, woman, child, security guards, bricks, and beggars--to no avail. You offer to pay the driver so you can find another cab, but he insists that you stay. You try to get off, but every time you reach for the door he speeds up the vehicle, forcing you to reconsider.
The sun is setting, and you have yet to complete your journey. Your attempts at escape have thus far proved futile and you are about to give up. You tell the driver in your best Spanish, “We’ve been all over this city, every corner of it, except where I’m trying to go.”
He says to you, “We’re almost there. Don’t worry. We’ll be there in five minutes.” He says so with a smile on his face-one of pride, of ego, of blissful ignorance.
You take out a cigarette; you don’t smoke, but you figure that this is a good a time as any to start. You wonder for a second where the cigarette came from, but you dismiss that question, not wishing to further burden your mind.
Alas! You see your friend’s house. You point it out to the driver, and for once he listens to you. He weaves through the traffic and potholes. As he does so, he looks at you and says with undeserved glee, “I told you I would find the place.”
To be continued
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
I'm going to make you hate people
Really, I hope I do.
Check out these links; the bolded ones at the top are the most interesting. Most of them are from Daily Rotten (you'll find a link to it on the sidebar). Some of the articles are kind of old, but worth a look nonetheless.
Man raped his dying stepdaughter
Parents Dump Toddler In Street, Disappear
Gang members charged in rape allegedly watched by mother of one
Police: Woman Injects Boy With Heroin
Rapist spared corporal punishment, gets 20 years (The man penetrated the girl's vagina with a cutlass)
Child Bride
HIV-positive man gets 16 years for raping stepdaughter
Police: Minister’s wife confesses to killing
http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/florida/news-article.aspx?storyid=55973
http://www.examiner.com/World-a81782~Mexico_Harsh_to_Undocumented_Migrants.html
http://www.thedenverchannel.com/education/8764414/detail.html
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12358760/
http://www.forbes.com/home/feeds/ap/2006/04/18/ap2676004.html
http://www.cbc.ca/story/world/national/2006/03/14/landslide-porn060314.html
http://www.wired.com/news/culture/reviews/0,70403-0.html?tw=rss.index
http://www.local6.com/news/8024466/detail.html
http://www.jsonline.com/story/index.aspx?id=409208
http://www.nypost.com/news/regionalnews/65538.htm
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Canada/2006/03/23/1502313-cp.html
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006130761,00.html
Check out these links; the bolded ones at the top are the most interesting. Most of them are from Daily Rotten (you'll find a link to it on the sidebar). Some of the articles are kind of old, but worth a look nonetheless.
Man raped his dying stepdaughter
Parents Dump Toddler In Street, Disappear
Gang members charged in rape allegedly watched by mother of one
Police: Woman Injects Boy With Heroin
Rapist spared corporal punishment, gets 20 years (The man penetrated the girl's vagina with a cutlass)
Child Bride
HIV-positive man gets 16 years for raping stepdaughter
Police: Minister’s wife confesses to killing
http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/florida/news-article.aspx?storyid=55973
http://www.examiner.com/World-a81782~Mexico_Harsh_to_Undocumented_Migrants.html
http://www.thedenverchannel.com/education/8764414/detail.html
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12358760/
http://www.forbes.com/home/feeds/ap/2006/04/18/ap2676004.html
http://www.cbc.ca/story/world/national/2006/03/14/landslide-porn060314.html
http://www.wired.com/news/culture/reviews/0,70403-0.html?tw=rss.index
http://www.local6.com/news/8024466/detail.html
http://www.jsonline.com/story/index.aspx?id=409208
http://www.nypost.com/news/regionalnews/65538.htm
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Canada/2006/03/23/1502313-cp.html
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006130761,00.html
Ah, the good life
Pancakes and Irish coffee for lunch--life does not get any better than this. Of course, my mother made the coffee (They're hidden because she doesn't want me to get addicted -_-), but I made it Irish.
By the way, you can start submitting your own HaiQs by leaving it in the comments section of this week's HaiQ. Yes, I'm just too lazy to come up with my own.
By the way, you can start submitting your own HaiQs by leaving it in the comments section of this week's HaiQ. Yes, I'm just too lazy to come up with my own.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Goddamn cab drivers: Part III
(Goddamn cab drivers in their natural habitat)
You're in the cab, surrounded by the yearning stink. You still convince yourself it's something else--the leaky exhaust, the absence of hygiene outside the boundaries of your person. You sit calmly inside the cab, staring out the window.
It has been 20 minutes. You ask yourself, "How is this possible? The sumnabitch with death on his mind lives only five minutes from me!" So you ask the driver if he knows where he's going, and his only answer is a "Yes" in a suspicious Spanish. You look out the window again, and you realize that you're surrounded by a quaint, yet ominous, nothingness. Dirt clouds up the windshield, as your blind rage had done so to your proper judgment.
You're lost.
But this isn't a TV show; you can't just perform an impromptu lobotomy on the cab driver, because he is the one in control of the vehicle--and, in turn, your life. The irony is not lost on you, so you wait.
Then the air reaches out to you once more, "Get out while you can!" says the putrid, tortured air of a thousand mistreated fares, "He's a fucking imbecile! You'll only end up worse than you are now!"
"But what am I to do, putrid, tortured air of a thousand mistreated fares? I don't know where I am! If I were to get out now, I'd surely be lost for there are no other cabs in sight. We left civilization and sanity miles ago!"
As if he heard your delusional conversation, the cab driver stops the car on the side of the road. He asks you in Spanish, "Do you know where to go from here?"
Rage. Pure, unadulterated rage. It builds inside you. You forget about the insolence of your friend. Only images of violence run through your mind like ants to a picnic--like the autistics at the Special Olympics--like fire through the river Styx.
The putrid, tortured air of a thousand mistreated fares beckons: "Avenge us! Avenge us!"
You wonder, should you sate its thirst for vengence? Then, the little man inside your head, oppressed, depressed, and repressed through dozens of other ill encounters with incompetent cab drivers, says only one word, and one word only (And that one word reverberates inside your mind, because one word can carry much more emphasis than a succession of words): "Goforittiger!"
To be continued...
Sunday, April 16, 2006
SCAM SPAM
Check out the link on the sidebar that says "Sipo Spam Scam".
Basically, our good friend Sipo scammed the scammers that sent him a scam spam. To clarify, he fooled the scammer into thinking that he was seriously considering their "business proposal". You know, the "give me your account number, social security number, all your credit card number, all your personal information, and come visit me in Nigeria so I can rape you and steal your wallet" deal. It's worth checking out, and it's nice to know that we can fight back.
...
Meh.
Sipo, you're a hero, and an inspiration for us all.
Basically, our good friend Sipo scammed the scammers that sent him a scam spam. To clarify, he fooled the scammer into thinking that he was seriously considering their "business proposal". You know, the "give me your account number, social security number, all your credit card number, all your personal information, and come visit me in Nigeria so I can rape you and steal your wallet" deal. It's worth checking out, and it's nice to know that we can fight back.
...
Meh.
Sipo, you're a hero, and an inspiration for us all.
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